i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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