my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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