after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
