apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
