If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
