And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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