I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Nicole vs. Life
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
