All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
