I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
