He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he told me I talked like a deaf person
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
