My nipple is on Facebook.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize