I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
