Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
