I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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