Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
