don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I need to sanitize my soul.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
