I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
