Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize