woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
