Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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