...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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