We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
