stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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