i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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