Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Boobs speak an international language.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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