Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
