The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
