yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
