Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
