I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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