Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
