I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
