tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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