im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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