oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
