Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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