I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
