so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
