Im at strip club and am horny
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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