If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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