do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
