My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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