FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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