my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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