matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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