there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
