You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
