you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
