Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
