i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
