My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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