SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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