I am in a vortex of obligation.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
