A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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