i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
