Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
