She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
