I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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