She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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