I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
