she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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