There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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