Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
