I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
