Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
