1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
