I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
