he thought i was a dude.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
