The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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