I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
