Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
