Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
