So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
