Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
