do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
