last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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