her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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