ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
