Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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