I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
