He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
