it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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