i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
