after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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