I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
