i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
