just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
