I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I will be naked everywhere
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
